I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I am midnight drunk by noon
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
