I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize