low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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