I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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