Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
