I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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