Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize