What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
