I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My vagina is officially offended.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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