She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
