I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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