So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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