If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You smell like a Billy Joel song
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
