You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
