my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Randomize
