i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
