They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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