therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize