your thong is hanging out like whoa
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize