We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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