your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
