And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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