She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
