the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She bit a glass in half.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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