the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
