I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
