good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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