Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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