great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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