i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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