I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
