why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
