And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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