my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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