Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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