I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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