scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
