just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
