Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
