Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
