What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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