I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
