She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
