EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
