I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
