Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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