1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
