I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
