I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
