At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
