if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
