dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
