Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
