I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
