I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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