..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
