the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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