U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
