Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
