she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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