So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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