I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
