why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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