The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
