If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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