i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Randomize
