Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
