She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
