That's intense
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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